2008
- Weekly Horrorscopical Preparations for the '09
- Laser Powered Santa and His Monkey Robots’ Bloody Rampage
- Horrorscopes for the Week of Santa Please-Put-The-Robot-Back-In-Christmas Week
- Animatronic Santa Charged in Slayings of 267 Children Over 46 Years
- Nike Air BS Raises Hopes of Profit for Nike In '09
- Christmas Madlibs: Rudolph the $%&@ Nosed Reindeer
- Skeleton of Four Breasted Woman Discovered
- Mustache Cops
- Back In The Day Pac Man Required a License to Chomp
- Horrorscopes for the Week of December 8th
- Anybody Votes! What Creature Scares You Most?
- Aim for Jesus
- Singing Doctor Cures Insomnia And Other Tales
- Mother Allegedly Commands Children Kill Your Father!
- Rapist Viciously Beaten By Victim's Children During Attack
- Workplace Mystery #208: The Money Changers
- Better Never than Late Game Review-Guitar Hero Aerosmith
- Divorce Court: Abusive Husband Obsessively Sniffs Panties, Threatens To Run Wife Over With Truck
- 67 Year Old Cheating Granny Chokes on Meat Bun and Dies
- Group Hepsi vs Hep C
- Horrorscopes for the Week of Turkey Holocaust #479
- The Pedo-Files: Exploring Inappropriate Relationships In Gaming
- The True Meaning of Thanksgiving: King Kong vs Godzilla
- Truck Driver Hit By Sleep Deprived Woman, Body Parts Everywhere
- The Good Old Days of Spam
- Sneezing Thief Needs Claritin-D
- Thanksgiving Day Blessing Madlibs
- Horrorscopes for the week of November 16th
- Angry Women Chase Half-Nude Attacker Down City Streets
- Tiny Guns: America's Newest Obsession
- Horrorscopes For The Week of November 2nd
- Creepy Sightings - The Simian Swarm
- How to Convert an Old Weedwacker Into a Flamethrower
- Toe Fu Interviews Chiptunes Artist 8-Bit Weapon
- Bigfoot Sighting: Sasquatch Army Rises From Water, Attacks Maryland
- Literature for N3rds
- Horrorscopes for the Week of October 19th
- Creepy Sightings
- Strange Currency Discovered In Pennsylvania
- Horrorscopes for the Week of October 12th
- Stop Breast Cancer, Celebrate National Boob Cake Day
- How to Score with Nigerian Women - Without Really Trying
- Shakespeare Madlibs: Hamlet, Prince of Denmark
- Supa-Man Lova: All Star Superman & Superman: Kryptonite TPB Reviews
- Horrorscopes for the Week of October 5th
- Ex-Wife Attacks Man, Tears Testicular Artery
- EMToast: Top 10 Zombie Sightings
- Toe Fu Interviews 30 Rock's Judah Friedlander
- Perverted Uncle Loves Smelling Nephew's Stinky Feet
- Weirdo Tells Neighbor's Wife to Tighten Love Muscle, Breastfeed
- Man Kicks Wife In Box, Threatens to Glue Her Shut
- Horrorscopes for the Week of September 27th
- Perfume: Supersniffer Snuffs Senoritas
- Cormac McCarthy Madlibs: The Road
- Speed Racer Star Hospitalized After Attack
- Speed Racer Actor Soars to Fame; Defends Ninjas
- Ironic T-Shirt Contest
- Hoax Revealed: Clay Aiken Isn't Gay
- Hasslehoff Arrested, Puppy Hostages Freed
- TNA Impact! Wrestling Review aka How I Paralyzed My Baby Bro
- Economic or Cruel? Pet Food Alternatives Under Fire
- Husband Charged $65 for Sex With Wife
- Ass Ponys: Favorite Albums We Forgot Existed
- Rapist Neighbor Got More Than He Bargained For
- Horrorscopes for the Week of September 22nd
- Nipple Pinching Teacher
- Upskirt Photographer Begs For His Life
- Doomsday Formula
- Man Duped Into Marriage By Aging Con-Artist
- EMToast: Top 5 Werewolf Sightings
- Horrorscopes for the Week of September 15th
- The Art of Looking Busy
- How Master Chief earned his rank....
- Listen Up, Then Listen Again
- X-files Season 15: The Fringe
- Adventures in Voodou
- Ciezarney: Secret Language of Our Fathers
- Fuck You Internet.
- Camden Area High Schools Pioneer New Trend in School Curriculum
- Terminators, Shirley Manson, A Toilet???
- The Gloriously, Gruesome Letter G
- Officer Dodges Bullet, Kills Baby
- Jon & Kate Plus 8 Disabled Children
- It's all bitter on the inside
- Kogepan - Sanrio's Fucked Up Toast
- Astounding Wolf-Man Review
- Fucked up toast is born
2009
- Chinese Fire Drills Can't Even Kill A Bitch
- Children Choose Dinosaur Burn Up as Worst Fate
- Strange Figure Shakes the Giant Hand
- Skeleton Back
- Workplace Mystery #773: Sharing is Creepy
- Turkeyman: Curse of the Wereturkey
- God and Baby Jesus
- Jilted Lover Blackmails Ex With Nude Photo
- Rainbows In Her Brain Meats
- Swine Fluid Pork Scented Washer Fluid
- Goblins Invade southern Missouri town of Kennett
- Everything Has Boobs: October is Breast Awareness Month
- My Rat Water Just Broke!
- Unfaithful Slut Wife Exposed by Motel Punch Card
- "Raccoon Faced Freaks" Assault Waitress
- Anybody Votes! Scribblenauts Favorite Words
- The World Mourns the Loss of Its Dirtiest Dancer
- Three Breasted Mother Suckles Pigs In Muddy Crawlspace
- Dell Introduces 99 cent Wireless Notebook for Back to School
- September 27th is National Bat Brushing Day
- The Chronicles of Coppersmith: One Man's Terrible Foray into the Territories of Amazon
- Happy One Year Anniversary! EMToast
- EMToast Year One Retrospective
- Parenting IS for everybody, even people who hate kids
- Kindest Old Woman You've EVER Seen
- Uncle Hot Dogs is Back
- Man With Three Asses Jumps the Line
- How To Make Money Fighting Famous Bears
- Jealous Horse Loses Eye, Rainbow Horn Unicorn to Blame
- Area 51 Exposed: The Deep Throat Connection
- Look Alike - Police Station Chief and His Pet Dog
- Icy Fruit for Monkeys "Look at that butt!"
- The Super Duper Vegan Egan Power Hour
- Flamenco strikes back!! The Untold Origin of Punch-Out's Don Flamenco!
- Dolphin Seduces Middle Aged Tourists
- Horrorscopes for July 2009
- Fuck You Genie
- Dolphin Rape Caught on Film
- Scientists Translate Chihuahua Barks
- Obama Bombs Buckingham Palace
- Laser Dog Protects Billy Wizard's Shit
- Suck My Bolt: Robot Uprising Begins
- Stripper Branded with Diarrhea Tramp Stamp
- Dirty Germs With Comb Overs
- Track Star Crippled During Video Game Speed Run
- The Boy Who Became a Pervy Old Man
- Mike the Bear Wakes Up. ROAR!!!
- help me i am so sick i think i have wet tail
- I Ate My Dentist
- Roll Out Your Favorite Head
- Hidden van Gogh Painting Discovered in Berlin Museum
- Man Kills Girlfriend Because She Won't Give Blow Job
- Don's Wife Leaves Him for Another Woman
- Nocturnal Creature Stalks New Jersey Suburb
- 9 Year Old Boy Commits Suicide After Learning Mummies Are Real
- Husband Caught Having Sex With Bible Study Partner
- Swine Flu Posters to Appear in Public Restrooms
- Russian Scientist Takes Tunguska Creature on Tropical Vacation
- God Loves Swine Flu
- Crooked P.I.s Blackmail & Threaten to Spoon Out Client’s Eyes
- Massage Parlor Whore Swallows Used Condom to Evade Police
- Art of the Folked: West Dakota Bad Ass
- Band of Zombie Gorillas Discovered In Congo
- Tiny Anchorman to Replace CBS NEWS Katie Couric
- Russian Scientist's Family Adopts Tunguska Creature
- Strange Creature Discovered in Tunguska Wasteland
- Creepy Dinner, Just Like Mom Used to Make
- Fetal Dental Deformity to Blame for Potential Recall of Chiclets Tooth Enhancing Gum
- Creature Racing Voted Greatest Video Game Video of All Time
- Assholder: Start Your New Career Now!
- Ass Dragging Werewolf Leads Pack of Chickens
- Black Swan Love Triangle Results In Babies
- Pervert Breaks in House and Ruins Easter
- Art of the Folked: I'M Not Emo I'm Goth, Right?
- Paris Hilton Suffers Stroke as Blanche Deveraux
- Grabbing Female Student’s Ass And Chest “No Big Deal”
- 12 Baby Boars Follow Owner for 13 Mile Ride
- Incredible Hulk Madlibs for Puny Humans
- “Dead Rabbit” Dr. Denys Committing Innocent Girl
- Art of the Folked: Cherry Cheeks Beauty &; Smiling Virgin
- J-Lo Pixelates Her Pants
- Whiny Guy Handcuffed to Ex-Wife and Beaten
- Fucking Cloaking Device
- 5 Mistresses Compete To Keep Lover, Reduce Costs
- J-Lo Shits Her Pants
- Semen Throwing Man Impregnates Victims
- “Blood Dump” Most Offensive Term, Period
- How Co-Workers Shit Behind Toilet Seat
- Iphone Pervert Photographs Victims While Showering
- Scientists Discover Chocolate and Vanilla are the Only Two Flavors
- 911 They Got My Nuggets
- McDonalds Finally Breaks Free From I'm Lovin' It
- Flying Werewolves Drag Ass Across the Sky
- Eagle Chases Ass Dragging Werewolf
- Obama Invites Ass Dragging Werewolves to Christen Whitehouse Lawn
- Paris Hilton’s Former Pet Monkey Arrested
- Giantess Fetish 2009's Top Trend
- Horrorscopes for the Week of February 22nd
- Werewolves: the Original UnAmerican
- Anybody Votes! Where Did Nicolas Cage’s Sideburns Go?
- Perfect Nails Made Easy: 8 Feet in 8 Weeks
- Wet Brain: Zombie Infection Linked to Alcoholism
- Husband Flashes Wife's Clients, Threateningly Sharpens Knife
- Controversial 90's Artwork Found on Aboriginal Cave Wall
- Cheating Husband and Mistress Condemned by Wet Napkin
- Inspirational Madlibs: Don't Sweat the Small Stuff
- Miracle Gum Grows New Teeth
- Horrorscopes for the Week of January 25th, 2009
- Anybody Votes! Office Horrors: Creepy Vs Werewolf
- Werewolf Sighting: Ass Dragging Werewolf Ruins Carpet
- Kellogg Layoff Result: Corn Pops Rebranded Gold Tooth Crunch
- Anybody Votes! What Greets You When You Die?
- Old Man Pulls Up Womans Skirt, Gets Blown - to the Head
- Werewolf Sighting: Boy Poisons Creature with Antifreeze
- In Theaters This Week: The Wrestler: Feel Good Movie of the Year
- Strip Club Scents: Life at a Glimpse.
- Anybody Votes! 80's Alien Fight: Mork vs Alf
- Instant Beauty: Eyebrows the Only Item You Need
- Optical Illusion - Girls Gone Wild
- 2009ers Welcome Big Baby New Year
2010
- Baptism Reversal Cures Cannibalism & Serial Killers
- Department Store Santa's Hurtful Words Scar Children
- Happy Thanksgiving!
- Get Your Shits Together
- I Guess I Could Be Friends With a Robot
- Filthy Humans With Horrible Faces
- Help Stop Puppy Mills, Let the Puppies Die
- Zombie Marlon Marlon Brando Eats Unicorn
- Sour Ear Blood Protects from High Pitch Damage
- Happy Halloween 2010
- Paris Hilton Pregnant with Robot Baby
- Paris Hilton Arrested for Kissing Monkey
- Grampa and the Girl Goggle their Yoohoo FaceBox
- Alexander Hamilton Lives Up the Street from Me
- Jersey Shore: Meet the Original Bimbo
- Gorilla Head
- Mama's Been So Fat, Since Daddy Learned to Fry
- THINKING...That's How People Get Killed
- Heat Causes Horses to Foam at the Mouth
- You Blew Out My Fuckin' Eye Drums
- No One in This Family Eats Pepper
- "You better shut up or I'll make your eye bigger than it already is."
- Commenter Murdered by the Media?
- Nonsense is the New Making Sense at UC Berkeley
- I Saw an Ape on the Beach Today
- If Billy Wizard and April Had a Baby
- The Wrestler Genie
- It Come to Work
- Who Invented the Skittles?
- Interview with a Teenage Werewolf
- Horror Movies, Control Your Volume
- Throw away the Neil Diamond cassette and I'll go down on you
- Doctors Warn, Wishing Causes Coma
- Infant Body Builders: Limits Are For Adults
- Black is the New Soylent Green
- I Think We Gave the Yeti Too Much Sugar
- Avatar Suicide Prevention with Billy Wizard
- Jesus Saved Me... from Getting Kicked Out of Community College
- Gamma Irradiated Old Man: A Tale of Arm Wrestling and Sleeping Next to Bears
- Love Me Lincoln Newest VH1 Reality Show
- UC Irvine Clinic Accused of Illegal Alien Embryo Transfer
- Nice Shirt... Do They Make It In Men's?
2011
- During Holiday Cash Tips Inadequate
- Rabbit: Nature's Cutest Killer
- Gimme Turkey: Key to Pilgrim Survival
- Reagan's Ghost Haunting Whitehouse, Wants Obama Out, Literally
- Wax Bag: So You Don't Have To Stay Home And Bleed
- Happy Belated 3rd Birthday EMToast!
- Dear Stinkbug, I Love You, Now Die
- The Wall Chickens: Return of the Heart Kitten
- Happy Halloween
- Rule #2073: Never Lie to Your Kids
- Ohio Ban Exotic Monsters NOW!
- Sexually Exhausted Husband Seeks Police Protection
- Smoking Saves Lives
- Wall Raccoons Can't Stop the Meat Bun Shirt Lookbook
- Dating Beasts: How to Attract Ugly Women
- I dreamt I was convicted of being an asshole
- My baby pooped itself. Fuck you.
- Peanut Butter Cancer Ban Coming
- WE BUY UGLY HORSES . COM
- NEW "BLEEP YOUR BOSS" REALITY SHOW
- French is the Language of Tongue Curling
- I Am a Crocodile, and I've Done Terrible Things
- That Hamburger's Your Brother (I saw it come out of your mother)
- Doctors Invented Cancer in 1926
- Author Word Find: Gotta Catch Them All
- CHiPs Return! Despite Horse Abuse Allegations
- We Drove Past The Gazebo
- Dandelions in the Disco Room
- Top 10 Signs That You Are a Hoarder
- Menu Mishap: Restaurant Offers Rip Rourin CRAP Soup Special
- My Son Eating Corn
- Chocolate Bunny Want Meat
- The Dangers of Eye Contact with the Soulless
- Winter's Bone Witches in the Woods
- Only the Moon Watched
- Psychology is for Psychos
- The Fruit is a Trap
- Justin Bieber to Launch ... Feminine Hygiene Product Line?
- Life in the Box. Failed Experiment Number One
- What is the Difference Between a City and a Town?
2012
- Happy Birthday Bleedin' Baby Jesus!
- I overheard some hipsters talking about VHS tapes
- Broked, Just Like Thier English
- The Turkey's Prayer: A Lord's Prayer Adaptation with Permission from God
- I Hope You Don't Have Too Many Nightmares
- Two Drops To Guppy Heaven
- Dollar Devil's Got Your Money Right Here
- "Quick like a bunny."
- A Gentleman Shitting Out a Dead Cat
- Mindy Likes You
- "You're children of the devil"
- "She poked the bruise as if it were a rotten spot on a piece of fruit"
- "A woman put her hand inside the cage of her father's lion"
- Martha Washington had a tramp stamp that said "Yo Mama"
- If I see her in the store, I'll just yell RAPE! and run away
- "I'll kill the shit out of you"
- "Don't make me make your eye bigger than it already is"
- "She dabbed at her eyes with her hooks"
- "You look like you sleep around for cigarettes."
- "Blecky potato pancakes, kids screaming in the corner while pooping their pants."
- Cold Eared Bunnies in Loaf Position
- Mountains Like White Maggots
- The Mouths of My Children's Bellies: One Woman's Foray into the Territories of Ebay
- "I did not know that in 2005 they found his body..."
- "Isn't it sad the little birds have to drink of out mud puddles?"
- I'm Not A Nimble Person
- Snowbow Warning of Emergency Alert Symptoms
- "Ecce Homunculus" Spanish Fresco Restored
- Never Get Between a Man and His Coffee
- Jesus Loves You Baby All Night Yeah
- Your World is Covered in Dog Diarrhea
- Get off our site you psychopath and don't come back!
- Double-It
- You Probably Think This War Is About You
- Medieval Illiterate Homeless People Were Fooky
- Your Eyes Look Like They Smell Like Corn
- Stephen Hawking's 911 Call "My God! The Squatches Are Upon Us"
- We Bought the Dead Dog Capital Zoo
2013
- Wild Boars Really Vampire Pigs?
- Aunt Jamaica's Blood Strengthening Diabete-Sauce
- Anger & Vanilla Motivate Parking Attendant's Crimes
- CONTEST: Enter your submission for a chance to win back your life!
- The Man with the Wizard Tattoo
- Singer Shits and Fouls Up Stage
- Turkey Legs Come For You
- Folgers Crystals Are Life Crystals
- Bad Pussy From Last Century
- Why I Hate Philosophy Students Who Smoke the Pot
- How To Avoid the Guilt of Not Loving Your Child
- The Wonderful Mr. Blueberry
- Dojo Billy Wizard and Laser Dog
- Look at my teef. I'munna bite yo
- Dead Snakes In Your Car Window
- Hands Off and Cat Billboard Sneak Preview
- Secret Family Recipes My Grandma's Skeleton Sold To Me
- Burnty Goodness Billboard Sneak Preview
- Burnt Toast Billboard Sneak Preview
- Don't Be A Nunsk Billboard Sneak Preview
- "Toast Face One" Billboard Sneak Preview
- Dirty Germs With Combovers Billboard Sneak Preview
- Put An End To Dolphin Rape Billboard Sneak Preview
- "No Doy" Cat Billboard Sneak Preview
- Hot Dog: A Tale of Origination
- Skull-Snakes New Morbid Craze With the People
- Mentally Decapitated
- Your Dog Has a Bitter Voice
- Choking Hazard: The Real Reason Garlic Repels Vampires
- You Stoped A Hart
- I'm Cornbread Eating Mad
- Look Ma! I made a picture of cocaine on tinfoil with blood on it
- Big Clark's Dirty Hot Dog Secret
- Stay back Lozaq, I'm going into the future!
- Can you identify these six creatures?
- Less Than Zero
- I Thought My Ghetto Blaster Was a Boom Box.
- Happy Final Birthday!
- Robots are from before my time.
- Jesus tried atheism, but it was too boring.
- Rasta Pig and Some Regular Pigs Too
- I Drank Perfume From the Unicorn's Horn
- Eight Baller Takes Care of His Woman
- Bears Are People Too
- They Call Him Corn Hand
- Smoking Girl Eaten By a Whale
- Wormie
- Mmm... Me Loves Eggs
- Tongue Got Your Cat
- Don't Cry! Shut Up!
- Eat Pray Love
- That Sun is a Reptile
- Three for a Quarter
- POLICE: Feral Cats Abduct and Rape Woman
- All these clouds floating around and blocking the sun
- That's the assistant Mayor
- I Need Sugar For My Heart
- Lesson One: He Bleach His Self
- Portrait of My Dog as a French Serial Killer
2014
- What Happens If an Ignoramus Discovers Intelligence?
- Dear Doctor: How Did Fonzie Get into Trouble with the Pink Elephant?
- Dear Doctor: I'm Afraid of Sick Rats
- Honey can kill babies. But it can't kill me!
- He Asked the Doctor about Brain Scan Blips... The Last 2 Seconds Will Break Your Heart
- "Books on TV" Then Everything Changed
- The Twelfth Day of Christmas Biebers
- Your Eyes Will Pop out When You See Crusty Cringle the Disgusting Santa Claus
- The Eleventh Day of Christmas Biebers
- You Will Shit on the Floor When You Hear about the Sony Pictures vs. The Ice Cream Industry Scandal
- The Tenth Day of Christmas Biebers
- What Do Reindeer Dream About?
- The Ninth Day of Christmas Biebers
- Don't Piss off the Guy Who Buys Your Dinner
- The Eighth Day of Christmas Biebers
- I Came up Sour. Your Eyes Will Drop to the Floor.
- The Seventh Day of Christmas Biebers
- You Look like a Cat Burglar
- The Sixth Day of Christmas Biebers
- I Beefed One Out
- The Fifth Day of Christmas Biebers
- Look at the Bottom
- The Fourth Day of Christmas Biebers
- The Third Day of Christmas Biebers
- The Second Day of Christmas Biebers
- The First Day of Christmas Biebers
- TIME Word of the Year 2014 is...
- Hope Stands Alone: A Tragedy of Hope
- Ghosts Love Frankenstein Monster Pets
- How to Eat a Dry Twig
- How to Eat a Fresh Fig
- I Will Try to Hold My Tears Deep Inside My Eye Holes
- Floss Is Good
- Some Women Should Be Wearing Lysol
- There Are No White Teeth on Pretty Girls
- The Anatomy of a Sight: Final Part
- The Anatomy of a Sight: Part Two
- The Anatomy of a Sight: Part One
- Today a Eagle Is Born the Most Powerful the Merkin Nagel
- Fingers in the Inside Now! Go!!
- 3 Proven Ways to Dodge Debt Collectors
- Stop Shivering like a Shitting Dog
- today I went to my friends hause
- Don't Make Me Hit You! Get Back In The Car!
- Drink Pep's Confusion Filter
- Fill Your Belly with the Bad Pieces
- He Wouldn't Eat the Candy
- I hope to be reborn as a 1989 Toyota Tercel
- A Nerd Died Here
- Facebook Begins Rolling Out Friend Rating System
- What would it be like to be with the garbage woman's daughter?
- Why You Can't Buy Grape Ice Cream
- A History of The World by Fritzy McGee
- Don't pass out in your sleep
- Godzilla of the Parking Lot
- Robot King Decrees: Exfoliate them. All of them!
- My son's cat invented prednisone!
- Apples of your cheeks should be called tomatoes of your cheeks
- Dead Bear Obsession Threatens Reality
- Here is a recent picture of me. This is what I look like now.
2015
- 10 Strange Truths from the Private Journals of...Thomas Edison
- Female Teddy Bear Gets 35 to Life in Plastic Bag Murder
- ART 101: Intro to Rabbit Poop Snowman E-course
- What Is inside the Head of the Great Pumpkin? It's Stupid, Sweet, and Frightening
- My Battle Scarred Skeleton underneath Your Front Porch
- I Was a Middle Aged Weresnack
- Tasers Banned after Intestinal Explosion Burns Hot-Wings Champ during DUI Arrest
- Let Him Be the Robot's Child
- All the Robots Are Wiping Now
- Robo-Coffin Makes Dying Alone Convenient
- Local Authorities Warn of Serial Slapper
- Defense Mechanisms of the Reese Owl Bat
- Are You My Father? 8 Ways to Turn Millennial Troubles Around
- 'Safety First Vigilante' Terrorizes Local Motorists
- GB Boy Color: The Backlit Gameboy Color Nintendo Never Produced
- At the Edge of the Know
- Easter Egg Found in C64 Game After 30 Years
- Why You'll Never Succeed at 6400mg Advil Overdose
- Are UFOs Hiding in Front of the Sun Where We Can't See Them?
- Suicide Dogs Bring Release to Terminally Ill
- Over 40 and Balding--You're Finished
- Dear Dr. Even a Zombie Has More Energy than Me
- Man Spends More Money on Toilet Paper Than His Electric Bill
- Why Your Boyhood Pain Never Works out the Way You Plan
- What Does Taylor Swift Do on Saturday? Screw Your Wig on Tight to Find Out
- Scientists Were Loving... Then Everything Mutated
- Tell Me Sincerely, Are You Living?
- Does the Doctor Hate Vanilla? The Answer Will Make Your Bones Rattle
- I'll Never Look at Brains the Same Again
- They Asked If He Was Nunsk... Then It Got Real
- When You Find out Where Puppies Go When They Die... You Will Chuckle
- The Ugly Side of Becoming a Were-Cat
- Why Fritzy McGee Is One of the Great Minds of Our Generation
- Are Chocolate and Vanilla Part of Big Ice Cream's Flavorist Agenda?
- This Astronauts Drinking Habits Will Inspire You
- How Back Pain Is Killing You
- Mom Ignores Child to Talk on the Phone. What He Does Will Devastate Your Soul
- She Looked under the Covers... And It Was Remarkable
- How Cigarette Butt Fishing Isn't as Bad as You Think
- What Time of Day Will Jesus Come Back? He's Going to Provoke You
- The Moment When a Child Rejects His Mother's Blame
- Leonard Nimoy Gives Powerful Directions... Here's How
- What This Doctor Recommended to Cure Exhaustion and Bloat Is Astonishing
- What Makes You Do the Things That You'll Regret?... You'll Be Alarmed
- Try Not to Shout When You Hear the Worst Birthday Gift Idea
- What Mom Never Told You about Love at First Sight
- Cat Burglar and the Frightening Fortnight
- He Got Bitten by an Honest Horse...Then Things Got Freaky
- Knowledgeable Cleverness and Ignorant Imbecility Are Interesting
- What Does Harriet Tubman's Tramp Stamp Say? You'll Be Stupefied.
- Even Racter Hates Philosophy Students Who Smoke Pot
- She Grabbed Hot Speaker Wires...and Could Not Fathom What Would Happen Next
- They Stabbed That Man... Then Things Got Awkward
- Where Are Snap, Crackle and Pop Now? You'll Wish You Could Forget
- When You Find out Seawater Is Delicious You Will Flip Your Wig
- Boyhood -- Is It Even worth Watching?
- What Causes All My Ailments? Your Skin Will Crawl
- What You Don't Know about How to Love Will Split Your Neurons
- When They Asked Who the 16th President Was...Their Brains Liquefied
- How a 25 Year Old Video Game Changed Everything
- It Was Just a Cancelled Appointment...and They Devastated Him for It
- Where Do Babies Come From? Hint. It's Closer than You Think
- If You Read One Article about Hoarding, Read This One
- Who is Billy Wizard? You Will Rue the Day You Found Out
- How Europe Saved Your Soul... You Will Still Hate the French
- How Does the Hater See Things? You Will Be Dumbfounded
- You Will Be Horror-Struck When You Find out How This Boy Lost His Emotions
- Do Hookers Ever Give Change? The Answer Will Make Your Toes Bleed
- Paul Began to Hum of Dogs and Crows, Even Babies or a Brother
- Pepsi Banned This Slogan in the 1970's... The Reason Will Make Your Skin Squirm
- Whatever They Told You about Sticks and Stones Is Dead Wrong...and Here's Why
- What Is Tom Cruise Secretly Raising Suri to Become? The Pain of Knowing Will Hurt You
- When People Clean Chimneys with the Bones of Children...Your Heart Will Pop
- Who Smells like Tender Vittles? It's Hilarious, Horrible, and Could Destroy Your Life
- The Thing John F. Kennedy Is Known for Will Make Your Chest Implode with Horror
- Here Is What Happens When Friendly Haters and Enraged Lovers Act with Extreme Prejudice
- How Cold Is Sigourney Weaver's Heart? You'll Break down When You Hear
- Rockstars Consider Facebooks Friend Rating System... And It's Dreadful
- This Is What Happens When Robots Get Real about Child Abuse
- Watch Badness Cause a Computer to Hate...and Inspire You
- Ladie's Self Defense Lesson #2
- What Wikipedia Can't Tell You about Escaping Dinosaurs
- Ladie's Self Defense Lesson#1
- Movie Review 'A Million Ways to Die in the West'
- Do This Next Time Your Man Gives You Flowers and His Heart will Detonate
- Who Is Satan's Best Friend in the World?... You'll Be Distressed
- Beware the One Who Is Always There to Wipe Away Your Tears
- They Asked about Her Mean War Face... Then They Regretted It
- He Attracted Ugly Women... The Look on Their Faces Is Priceless
- We Asked What the Hell Is a Quadratic Equation?... Then the Party Started
- That Is Loving, Hateful, and Captivating
- What Is the Secret Ingredient in Hot Dogs? the Answer Will Offend You
- Why Do People Think Blue Teeth Are a Good Idea?
- How YouTube Can Teach You About Fairy Tales
- He Was Betrayed by Everyone He Loved...the Doctor's Advice Will Smash Your Ventricle
- George Clooney Comes Forward. Bill Cosby Raped Me
- If You Don't Believe This Doctor's Claims about Corn Syrup Then You Are Living in a Sarcophagus
- A Thinker Is Someone Who Has Had to Live with a Hysteric
- What Experts Are Saying about Gas Prices
- What Does Michelle Obama's Tramp Stamp Say? You'll Be Enamored
- Why Sharp Teeth BJs Are Worse than Not Getting a Rose
- What Everyone Is Saying about Vegetarian Cannibals
- Freshly Cut Hair May Take Root into Bare Feet
- Watch a Mega Corporation Bring Color Blindness... Not How You'd Imagine
- He Asked for An "Italian Pie" and a"Plain Sub"? What He Got Was Inconceivable
- What Did Bill Cosby's Wife Have Tattooed on Her Thigh? The Answer Will Put You in a Coma
- How Do You Defeat a Mummy?
- What Happened to Oracle's Face?
- Tramp Stamp: Only When You're Naked and Bloody Do the Cops Care
- The Oracle and the Future Dogs Fighting with Light Sabers
- What Does Toad Meat Taste Like?
- Brother Jerome Becomes Brother Jeremy
2016
- What If Amy Schumer Was Miss Piggy
- What If Channing Tatum Was Prince Harry?
- What If Trump Was a Stripper?
- What If Santa Was a Snowman?
- What If Jesus Was Baby Jesus?
- What If Jesus Was Santa?
- What If Trump Had a Big Smile?
- What If Abe Lincoln and Morgan Freeman Switched?
- What If Tom Cruise Was Green?
- What If Trump Was a Turtle?
- What If Bruce Campbell Were Bruce Lee?
- What If Gandhi Was Rambo??
- What If Bruce Willis Was in Home Alone?
- Who Is Chowder Supreme?
- The Veggie Lion Dreams of Fat Little Sheep
- Miniature Cockroaches: The Blood Parasites Infecting Our Local Area
- Happy Easter 2016
- Itcome for hipster fleamarket
- Humanzee Memoir Published: Courts to Decide Who Can Profit from This Love Story
- Godzilla 2016 NEWS! Alternate 'Resurgence' Movie Poster Leaked
- Taste Crystal Windex RIGHT NOW!
2019
- Snackersquaches Recipe
- What If Trump Was Britney?
- What If Taylor Swift Were a Terminator?
- What if Chewbacca Was...
- What If Beauty Was the Beast?
- What If Trump Was in the Beatles
- What If Reese Witherspoon Was Steve Harvey
- What If a Zombie Was Superman?
- What is Caitlin Jenner Was Bruce Jenner?
- What If Taylor Swift Had A Huge White Beard?
- What If Chuck Norris Was Mother Theresa?
- What If Arnold Schwarzenegger Was The Terminator?
- What If Taylor Swift Were Wolverine
- Repair Job #436: Circle Your Demons
- The Lord Wants You to Learn to Park
- Seven Benefits of Local Trash Milk
2022
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Surrounded by Wolves: Final Assimilation
- Coffee Chugging: The New Way to Live 500 Years Longer
- World Health Organization Announces Solution to Global Pandemic: Just Stop Being Sick
- Banjo the Cat and the Haunted Serial Killer
- The Power of a Greeting: How the Saying 'Good Day, Sir' Protected a Village from Vampires in 1575
- Trump Announces Plan to Run for President Again in 2028, Because He Just Can't Get Enough
- Santa Snowman
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Saga: What Did They Do to My Baby Wolves?
- Bikini Cowboy Girl vs. the Skeleton Army
- Happy Snowman Season!
- Merry Christmas From Your Friends at EMToast
- Robot Parade v.07 Tragedy
- In a Shocking Revelation, World Leaders From Every Corner of the Globe Admitted Today That They Have No Idea What They’re Doing
- The Haunting of Owl's Eye
- Robot Parade v.06 Love
- Study Finds That All of Humanity’s Problems Could Be Solved if We Just Had More Emojis
- In Shocking Turn of Events, Federal Government Announces Bold New Plan to Combat Global Warming: Shooting Water into Space
- Area Mom Insists on Sending Handwritten Letters, Even to Her Email Subscribers
- Nope v.05 the Sky Predator
- Robot Parade v.03 Fleshunger
- Bikini Cowboy Girl: My Circuits Are Not Functioning
- Pixel Toast
- Bikini Cowboy Girl: Future is Bright
- "EMToast" Exclusive: Elvis Presley Sighted Alive and Well in Outer Space
- Will Your Daily Dose of Caffeine Help You Outlive Your Great-Great-Grandchildren?
- Man Claims to Have Time Traveled From 2048, Brings Back Advanced Toaster Technology
- Nope v.03 UFO From Within the Clouds
- Government Announces Plan to Solve Climate Change by Building Giant Umbrella in Space
- The Great Humanzee-Robot War: A Cautionary Tale of Playing God
- Pixelated Toast
- Joe Rogan Grills Elon Musk on His Plans for Twitter
- Robot Parade v.06 Uprising
- Doctors warn of shocking link between wishing and coma: Are your wishes putting you at risk?
- Procrastination Named America’s Top Pastime, Beating Out Netflix and Chill
- Toastada
- Robot Parade v.03 Hope
- A Different Kind of Ass Dragging Werewolf Story
- NASA Announces Plans to Colonize Mars, Then Immediately Realizes It Forgot to Pack Snacks
- Humanzees vs Robots: The War for Survival
- The Truth About Mummies: Are They Real, and Can They Curse You?
- Horrorscopes for the Week of December 11
- Nope v.02 The UFO and the Cowboy
- The Candy Maker's Dream: The Rise of Flavio Skitelle and His Legendary Skittles
- EMToast Corporate Logo Drafts
- The Office S12: As the situation in Scranton continues to deteriorate
- Unbelievable: Four-Breasted Woman Found in Egyptian Tomb
- The shocking truth about what happened when two brain-dead patients rose from the dead!
- Robot Parade v.02
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Beginnings: Leaving the Farm
- The Easter Bunny's Mistake aka Santa's Terrible Howl
- Emtoast Colorful Stickers
- Ten Crazy and Hilarious Ways to Avoid Work in the Office: You Won't Believe #7!
- Evil Santa Goes on Christmas Eve Rampage
- Nope v.01 The Hunger from the Sky
- Robot Parade v.08 Tinny
- Cheating Mistress Reveals Pope's True Nature
- Robot Parade v.05 Remnants of the Once-Proud Robots
- Robot Parade v.01
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Saga: Battle at Balloon City
- Oil Paint on Toast
- Spirit in a Sea of Uncertainty
- My Ex Wife Won’t Let Me Come Home Unless I Get a Lobotomy
- Angry Pope Versus His Mistress
- Debunking the Myth of Dolphin Rape
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Beginnings: Of the Farm
- Standing Side by Side, One of Them Held a Slice of Toast Up
- Girl with the Golden Tooth Song Lyrics
- Cannibals Are Becoming Hardcore Vegans
- Who Was Racter Anyway?
- The Virus Proved To Be Too Powerful
- The Colorful Toast
- Young Billy Wizard and the Werewolves
- Graffiti Paintings of Toast
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Saga: Things Aren't Looking Too Good
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Beginnings: Wolf Pups
- Toast Clipart for My Book Report
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Saga: Roboticized and Heavily Armed in the Neon Night
- Neon Toast Wall Art
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Saga 2056
- Freaky Toast Man
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Fully Wired
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Saga: Balloon Dystopia
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Roboticization Process
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Saga: Wolves in the Woods Photo Shoot
- When She First Saw the Werewolves He Was With Her
- Bruce Willis is Wolverine -- I guess...
- Werewolf Movie Poster 3: Moon Back
- Werewolve Movie Poster 2: Moon Eyes
- Bikini Cowboy Girl 2006
- Breaking News: Wind Blown Werewolf Portraits New IG Trend
- Werewolf Movie Poster 1: Moon Mouth
- Claymation Werewolf Scientists
- Werewolf Scientists
- Marzipan Hellboy for Sale
- Werewolves Surging at the Moon
- Werewolves in Love
- Warning! Your Emotion Providing Service Has Denied Authorization for Evil Feelings
- Sorry, but if You Think This Devil Is Cute You Are Destined for Hot Places
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Sticker Set
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Diorama
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Surrounded By Wolves Figurine Set
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Surrounded By Wolves Lego Figure
- Toast Watching a Show About Toast On TV
- Toast Watching TV
- Toast on TV
- Bikini Cowboy Saga 1955
- Bikini Cowboy Girl With Wolves Saga: Last Days as a Human
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Saga: In the Style of Kent Williams
- Happy Halloween from You Know Who
- Santa Muerte
- Thirteenth Face of Frankenstein's Monster
- Boo! Love Feeling for Toast Ghost Has Been Approved by Your Emotion Providing Service
- Día de Los Superhéroes Muertos Parte Ocho
- Bruce Willis Dresses as Superman for Halloween
- Twelfth Face of Frankenstein's Monster
- Día de Los Superhéroes Muertos Parte Siete
- Black Cats Love Honey
- Ghostly Rider
- In Less Than 100 Years We Will All Be Skeletons
- Eleventh Face of Frankenstein's Monster
- Toast With Low to Questionable Moral Fiber
- Dia de Los Superheroes Muertos Sexta Parte
- Red Lava Lamp of Skulls
- Spiky Guy Skeletons
- Tenth Face of Frankenstein's Monster
- Dia de Los Superheroes Muertos Parte Cinco
- Coffee is Life, Coffee is Death
- Skeleton Dancing Pumpkins are There
- Ninth Face of Frankenstein's Monster
- Dia de Los Superheroes Muertos Parte Cuatro
- Eighth Face of Frankenstein's Monster
- I Like My Toast With Pixel Jelly
- Dia de Los Superheroes Muertos Tercera Parte
- Bruce Willis Auditions for Role of Art the Clown in Terrifier 3
- Seventh Face of Frankenstein's Monster
- Dia de Los Superheroes Muertos Segunda Parte
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Beginnings: Visit to the Graveyard
- Sixth Face of Frankenstein's Monster
- 57 Channels and Toast is On
- Dia de Los Superheroes Muertos Primera Parte
- Fifth Face of Frankenstein's Monster
- Fourth Face of Frankenstein's Monster
- Toast People Dance Party!
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Saga: Taj Mahals
- Third Face of of Frankenstein's Monster
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Action Figure
- Kanye West with a Big Smile
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Takes the Wolves to a Rocky Lagoon
- Second Face of Frankenstein's Monster
- 15th Annual Toast Street Art Festival
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Claymation TV Show
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Saga 1856
- First Face of Frankenstein's Monster
- Bikini Cowboy Girl in Style of Jamie Hewlett
- Hulk Dye Hair and Flex. Angry. Serious. Running.
- Toast Face Sinner
- Thou Shalt Not Worship False Idols
- Your Emotion Providing Service Has Denied Authorization for Your Love of a Toast Bikini
- Raymond Chandler's The Big Sleep in Pictures
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Surrounded by Wolves: Look!
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Saga: Metal Gear Solid Styled
- Skeleteen Romance 4 Movie Posters
- Not Only Can Toast Grow a Moustache, Apparently It Can Grow A Body
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Saga: Sunset City
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Saga: Surrounded by Wolves
- Can Toast Grow a Moustache?
- Skeleteen Romance 3 Movie Posters
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Action Playset
- The Healthiest Individual Ever Elected to the Presidency
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Pinups
- Skeleteen Romance 2 Movie Posters
- Corporate Bigfoot's Woodland Retreat
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Saga: Wolves in the Field
- Delicious EMToast
- Skeleteen Romance Movie Posters
- Forgive Me Father for I Have Sinned
- Return of the Fast Food Zombies
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Sketch 2
- Am I Me? My Reflection in a Cup of Coffee
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Saga: Sunset With Wolves
- Are sugar skull snakes dangerous snakes?
- Danny, which wolf purse do I buy?
- President Trump Prepares for New Office
- Hulk With or Without Moustache?
- Andre the Giant as the Incredible Hulk
- Fruitycon 2022 Promo Posters Preview
- Will Ferrell's GatorZ Animated Series Announced
- Danny Devito Cannot Quit the Terminator Lifestyle
- Quick! Mom! Run! It's Elvis!
- Fruities Gather at Fruitycon 2022
- Will Ferrell Trained for GatorZ Film to Become the Action Star He Always Dreamed
- Some Women Just Like to Dress as Fruit
- Will Ferrell 2056
- Big People Are Noticing Danny Devito’s Terminator Lifestyle
- The Terminator Lifestyle Engulfs Danny Devito
- Baby Builders Gen 1: Adulthood
- How Could a Loving Scientist Be Afraid of the Weak
- Danny Devito Embraces the Terminator Lifestyle
- Baby Builders Level 2: The Mutants are Coming
- Danny Devito Considers the Terminator Lifestyle
- Return of the Baby Builders
- Bikini Cowboy Girl is Almost Here
- Billy Wizard and Laser Dog Cosplayers
- Bruce Willis as T-800
- Fast Food Zombies
- Corporate Bigfoot AKA Business Sasquach
- Corporate Vampires
- Why Bruce Willis Never Drinks Water
- Johnny O. Becomes a Gamma Irradiated Hulk
- Love Notes From Ghana
- Iron Man Green Goblin Armor - Anthony Stark Earth-19919
- Taylor Swift Bearded Again
- Bigfoot Abducted by Aliens
- Humanzee want to hang out with you!
- Abusive Pope Fights With Secret Wife 1992
- More Animals Playing Poker
- Aliens in the Kitchen Drinking Coffee
- This Is What Exercise Can Do for You!
- Animals Playing Poker
- Nicolas Cage's Greatest Role - Abe Lincoln
- Taylor Swift Bearded Woman
- Apartment 223: Very Hungry
- Rampaging Pope Destroys Kitchen 1992
- Shangri-La Resident Rick Ruben
- Danny DeVito is a Terminator
- Pezidents of the United States of America
- Pee-wee Herman is the Hellraiser
- Lou Ferrigno as the Hulk
- Bill Bixby as The Hulk
- Clubber Lang 2017
- Rock Balboa 2014
- Rocky Balboa 2014
- Ivan Drago 2002
- Clubber Lang 2002
- Rocky Balboa 2002
- Ivan Drago 2002
- Rocky Balboa 1996
- Clubber Lang 1996
- Ivan Drago 1996
- My Son, Still Eating That Corn
- I Thought the Moon Would Be Safer
- Tunguska: A Great Place to Visit
- Folgers Crystals Are Still Life Crystals
2023
- Garage Door Achieves Enlightenment: Humanity Still Stuck
- PEZ Invention Saves Dying Girl After Docs 'Gave Up'
- Man Shocked to Learn Most of His Opinions Not Actually His Own
- Ghost Want Candy
- Dental Delirium: The Lost Grins of Toothville
- Exciting Announcement: Vanilla Ice & MC Hammer Join Forces for an Epic Collaboration!
- Comedy Legend Turns Killer in 'Seinfeld Kills' - Must-Watch Horror Thriller!
- This Terminator Movie Has a Tiny Twist - Danny DeVito Takes Charge!
- The Ultimate Emoji Slang Dictionary Pt. 3: 🔥 Youth Edition 🔥
- The Ultimate Emoji Slang Dictionary Pt. 2: A Parent's Guide to Decoding Risqué Teen Communication!
- Ultimate Emoji Slang Dictionary Pt. 1: Decode the Secret Language of Young People with These Must-Know Emojis!"
- Coffee May Extend Lifespan by 500 Years, But Is It Worth It?
- Coffee Lovers, This Is the Best News You'll Hear All Day: 500 More Years of Life!
- Man Discovers the Secret to Time Travel: Oversleeping on Weekends
- Disney Announces Live-Action Remake of Live-Action Lion King with Actual Lions
- Is Your Toast Turning Toxic? The Disturbing Trend of Low Moral Fiber Breakfasts!
- Man Who Lost Marbles As Child Loses Them Again As Adult
- Mario Finally Retires from Jumping After 40 Years
- <strong>Study Finds People Who Talk to Themselves Aren't Crazy, They're Just Having Staff Meetings</strong>
- Area Man Shocked to Discover Self-Worth Not Tied to Social Media Metrics
- Amazon to Launch New Service That Will Allow Customers to Buy Products Just by Looking at Them
- FDA Okays Elon Musk's Brain Implants - People Now Think They're Him!
- 1000 Leprechaun Ghosts Haunt USA After Treasure Hunters’ Discovery Goes Wrong
- Man Sues Streaming Giant for Binge-watching Addiction
- Coffee: The Key to a 500-Year Lifespan, or Just a Waste of Time and Insects?
- Sip Your Way to Immortality: New Study Claims Coffee Can Extend Lifespan by 500 Years
- The French Tradition of Adding Olives to Bean Soup
- Carnival of Serenity: How ICP Reinvented Themselves as a Soft Rock Band
- Buddy No More: The Rise of a Sir
- Coffee: The Ultimate Life Hack? New Study Claims It Can Make You Smarter, More Attractive, and Live Forever
- Bones on the Road
- From Horse Paintings to Skeletal Reflections: Alexander's Artistic Transformation
- "In a World Facing its Final Days, 'It's Not the End of the World' is an Insult"
- New Study Shows Drinking Coffee Can Add Centuries to Your Life, Finally Giving You Time to Finish That Novel You Started in College
- The Great Forgetting: Is Our Existence Truly Meaningful?
- Ashes-Ashes: The Story of Abrick Cadabrick, the Magical Man
- The Painless Warriors: A Story of Redheads and their Battle for Survival
- The Monkey's Lesson: A Fable on the Dangers of Cell Phone Addiction
- Webuyjunkiemonkeys.com
- The Scratching at the Window: A Tale of Unimaginable Horror
- Will CNET's use of AI to write articles lead to a decline in the quality of news?
- The High Cost of Immortality: The Risks of Drinking Coffee to Live 500 Years
- The Vitamin Ghost
- I Love You, I Believe You
2026
- EMToa.st: The Successor to EMToast.com
- April, the Cruelest Month
- MAGA Influencer Who Really Really Loved Joe Biden
- MAGA Influencer Who Secretly Loved Biden
- Duncan Hines Sues Dunkin Heinz Co., Alleging Brand Confusion and Unfair Competition
- Leaked Memo: Dunkin Heinz Duncan Hines Co. – The Name So Bold, You’ll Never Forget It
- Project Hines: Internal Strategy Memo Reveals Dunkin’ Heinz’s Plan to Take Over Duncan Hines
- Friday the Thirteenth, the Night Before Valentine’s
- Dunkin’ Heinz Co. Launches Bakery Collection, Directly Challenging Duncan Hines in Retail Baking Aisle
- Dunkin’ Brands and The Kraft Heinz Company Announce Strategic Merger to Form Dunkin’ Heinz Co.
- Nightmares of the G1 Transformers
- Galvatron Gulping Gaviscon
- Galvatron Loading up on Fast Food
- Optimus Overeats
- I used to work out in the 90's
- PRESS RELEASE: EMToast Consumer Brands Introduces Hunch Crunch Cereal
- Reaction GIF: That Escalated Fast
- The True Story Behind Danny Devito as a Terminator
- What if a priest vampire had his fangs removed by a priest?
- The Judgement of the Teeth
- Woe Upon the Teeth
- Blessed are the Teeth
- Godzilla x Sailor Moon Fan Zone
- Header Design Contest for EMToast.exe Blog
- F@cked up toast is reborn
