Art of the Folked
If I see her in the store, I'll just yell RAPE! and run away
On encountering old co-workers.
"I'll kill the shit out of you"
In a non-threatening way.
Cold Eared Bunnies in Loaf Position
“The Air conditioning was cranked so high, I came home to cold eared bunnies in loaf position in August”
"I did not know that in 2005 they found his body..."
I did not know that in 2005 they found his body in a Connecticut field with his throat slit. Charles…
Your World is Covered in Dog Diarrhea
your world is covered in dog diarrhea
Double-It
The Blind Girl by John Everett Millais. The original double rainbow. Too bad they didn’t have Youtube in 1856
Your Eyes Look Like They Smell Like Corn
Your Eyes Look Like They Smell Like Corn
Gimme Turkey: Key to Pilgrim Survival
In 1564 the native american indians taught the pilgrims how to survive the harsh north american winters by smoking four…
Happy Belated 3rd Birthday EMToast!
You were scraped out of my mind 3 yrs and 2 months ago.
Dear Stinkbug, I Love You, Now Die
Dear Stinkbug, I do not appreciate coming home to find you on my toothbrush. Since you touched it, I am…
Happy Halloween
Go pack your cavities with sugar.
Smoking Saves Lives
I just want to say thanks to the drunken asshole, walking down the middle of the road at night wearing…
My baby pooped itself. Fuck you.
Facebook sentiment of the year.
Dandelions in the Disco Room
It’s Friday night and the Dandelions are ready to hit the clubs. It’s just past 12 so all the cool…
Top 10 Signs That You Are a Hoarder
How do you know if you’re a hoarder? Here are the 10 telltale signs that indicate hoarding behavior. 1. If…
Chocolate Bunny Want Meat
Easter bunny get up this morning and he want hims meat. Them childrens was runnin all around up and down…
Winter's Bone Witches in the Woods
Winter’s Bone is the title of a movie, but do you know what Winters Bone means? The dictionary definition of…
Only the Moon Watched
The dolphin left his cave in search of human prey. Only the moon watched.
Psychology is for Psychos
Ever taken a psychology class? I took one as a night class at a community college years ago. The professor…
What is the Difference Between a City and a Town?
A man once asked me what is the difference between a city and a town? A city is bigger I…
Happy Thanksgiving!
Pocahontis 2010 with her free Shop Rite turkey. The 2nd Thanksgiving. Pilgrims vs Native Americans.
Get Your Shits Together
Don’t smoke no more. You gotta get your shits together.
I Guess I Could Be Friends With a Robot
Today I met a robot. He has a gun. He shoots the gun, but not at me. He won’t break…
Filthy Humans With Horrible Faces
It’s a worldwide epidemic.
Zombie Marlon Marlon Brando Eats Unicorn
Artists rendering of the unreleased final scene from Apocalypse Now where a Zombie Marlon Brando eats a unicorn who simultaneously…
Happy Halloween 2010
HALLOWEEN WISHES FROM CATS THAT SPRAY SOUR EAR BLOOD FROM THEIR MOUTHS. MAY ALL YOUR CANDY BE FULL SIZE AND…
Grampa and the Girl Goggle their Yoohoo FaceBox
Grampa: What are all these broccoli doing here? It’s not Christmas? The girl: Wha? What happened to Midnight? Grampa: He…
Heat Causes Horses to Foam at the Mouth
I like horses. They have shiny teeth. You can feed them sugar cubes. When it gets real hot they get…
You Blew Out My Fuckin' Eye Drums
Sitting in the dark. Nice and relaxed. You’re both tired. The night is over. You follow her into the next…
I Saw an Ape on the Beach Today
This is the text message that I received from a family member on vacation. I thought it was a joke…
If Billy Wizard and April Had a Baby
This is an artist's rendering of the result of a hypothetical coupling between a fictional character named Billy Wizard, and …
The Wrestler Genie
Hey! Did you see that movie the Wrestler? Yeah me too. It wasn’t as good as that cartoon back in…
It Come to Work
It wake up. It take shower. It get dressed. It eat breakfast with Beatle look-a-like. It wait for bus. Bus…
Horror Movies, Control Your Volume
Attention horror movie makers. Enough with the loud noises. They are a poor replacement for talent. You probably put those…
