Absurd World News

Winter’s Bone is the title of a movie, but do you know what Winters Bone means? The dictionary definition of…

If there’s one thing I learned from Pac-Man it’s that the fruit is a trap.  You might think it’s a…

By: jake.auzzie Just when you thought “Biever Fever” was over, Justin Bieber has decided that tampons and maxi-pads should be…

James Vanderbiek claims he has discovered the reset button for the human soul, and it’s not what you think. Most…

Department store Santa’s are known to victimize and terrorize children and adults alike. The classic image of a child crying…

Buying puppies from the petstore is wrong. You’ve got to just let them die. Buying them supports puppy mills. Don’t…

Evolution, the mysterious force responsible for transforming us from happy-go-lucky banana peeling tree climbers into misery infected cubicle crawling keyboard…

EMToast has obtained exclusive audio of Paris Hilton admitting to friends that she “thinks she is having a robot baby.”…

EMToast has obtained exclusive audio of Paris Hilton admitting that she "made out with a monkey." Audio Transcript: "I like…

Alexander Hamilton, our beak nosed fifth president and designer of the 10 dollar bill lives right up the street from…

Before Snookie, The Situation or any of those other Jersey Shore bimbos hit the scene, the ORIGINAL Bimbo 3 Ring…

In recent weeks EMToast has received a number of comments from a visitor by the name of Sickjunior. After visiting…

Nonsense is the new making sense. At least at UC Berkeley Dept of Psychology where Professors Tania Griffith and Tomas…

Who invented Skittles? It’s a simple question with many answers. An internet search would lead you to believe they were…

It’s not every day that you get the chance to interview a werewolf. One of the benefits of a site…

Never make a wish. Doctors at the Northeast Center for Brain Injury and Coma Research have released a shocking new…

How young is too young? To these infant body builders affectionately known as “baby builders” it is never too early…

A strange creature dubbed the “bear yeti” has baffled Alaskan scientists. The animal was trapped by a group of ice…

‘ Recently re-Animated dead prez Abraham Lincoln is planning on jumping back in the spotlight this spring. In a recent…

A clinic operated by the University of California-Irvine may have been involved in illegal alien embryo transfer in 1998. Records…

The wereturkey is an American beast, born in Plimoth, 1621 during the first Thanksgiving dinner. When Edward Winslow, leader of…

A man was pissed off after getting dumped by his girlfriend. So he showed up at her house showing her…

Once again we are graced with a reader's submission from 7 year old Fritzy McGee. Fritzy writes: "Sometimes when I…

Port Coquitlam, British Columbia. (PressRelease) November 7, 2009 – Willie Pickton Industries, Inc.®, a major supplier and worldwide exporter of…

ST. LOUIS – Goblins have invaded the southern Missouri town of Kennett. The creatures appear to have been drawn there…

"Everything has got boobs, even my dad and guys, "exclaims 7 year old Charlie Percheffons, the winner of the October…

The upcoming 2010 sequel to the not-quite-cult-classic rat-zombie movie Mulberry Street features a cameo role by Tori Spelling.  Spelling has…

A wife was having an affair with a coworker and went to a motel nearby. She used her credit card…

Two assailants described by onlookers as “raccoon faced freaks” burst into a Red Robin restaurant Thursday assaulting a waitress and…

Scribblenauts is the newest and most addictive DS game to hit the streets. I threw all my other games out…

Peace out!

Date 9/11/09 Round Rock, TX No noisy fans, dusty screen, or hot computer on your lap. The Dell Notebook is…

This little known day of celebration gets bat owners and bat lovers alike a chance to celebrate their little flying…

May 29th 2009 Richard Coppersmith begins his journey into the unknown territories of deepest darkest Amazon with the purchase of…

It’s officially one year since the creation of EMToast. I would like to extend a special thank you to the…

Rest in peace Flo.  Your kindness taught Chico, CA to never judge a book by it's cover. A photo of…

When the eyes of Uncle Hot Dogs look into your soul, you know that you have been chosen by a…

In order to make money fighting with bears, the wild ones must be avoided. Not only are they dangerous, but…

A time traveling space woman is the mother to 70’s pornstar Linda Lovelace? A cranky fortune telling future man named…

A rollicking good time for all!! He rides to work in a top hat and tails, his vehicle is a…

The year-1964. The location-Madrid, Spain. Esteemed scientist Juan Flamingo had 2 passions in life - woman and boxing. Unfortunately he…

A teenage dolphin was seen seducing these 2 old tourists. This one tourist was so into dolphins he spent 35…

Aries- your elderly dad thinks you are an asshole. Prove him right and live down to his expectations dear Aries…

Australian tourist, Karl Jurg, captured a horrifying event while vacationing in Florida. Scott Randleston of the Dolphin Research Institute of…

Scientists translate Chihuahua barks - they're saying "I'm a tiny asshole."

President Obama was taking a helicopter tour over Buckingham Palace. The vibration of the chopper combined with the Xtra-Large coffee…

The robot uprising has begun. The first soldier in the war against humans was a tiny worker bot named robot…