EMToast Staff

They used to make cool rings that instead of precious stones had poisonous spiders encased in glass.  After the animal…

“I am mentally decapitated,” she said.

"Excuse me, but your dog has a bitter voice, a very bitter voice.  It cuts right through me."

Garlic makes the heart beat twice as strong.  When a vampire bites into the throat of a garlic eater, the…

“You Stoped A Hart.”  These words painted 20 years ago in red on the side of an overpass . Who…

I'm cornbread eating mad. I was at the fruit store looking for come jujuberries and this little girl starts looking…

Look Ma! I made a picture of cocaine on tinfoil with blood on it.

Big Clark was one of the greatest singers of the 20th century. The key to becoming a superior singer is…

Lozaq the father lived next door to us. He looked like a gentle child molester with light dog shit colored…

  Post you guesses below.

“Did you ever hear about the movie less than zero?  That's about your brain power.”

I grew in the ghetto of my town, but I never knew it until I read it in the paper…

Whether you're sure someone is dying this year, or you just hope they are, be sure to wish them a…

I asked my friend’s father if he had any toy robots when he was a kid.  He told me, “Robots…

I unscrewed it and drank the perfume from the unicorn’s horn. I was a little kid, but I knew better.

Taking a drive. Campfire.

Tastes pulpy!

That sun is a reptile and after this, he ain't never shinin' her way again. Art by: bixby

You used to get 3 lives for 25 cents  No continues  And you liked it. 

Belgian tourist, Julio Prejean, witnessed the terrorizing occurrence while vacationing in Honolulu, Hawaii. Prejean told police, “It was a safe…

That’s the assistant mayor. The mayor has beige pants, the assistant mayor has white pants and sneakers

In college,  a professor asked the class why does the black community reject Michael Jackson?  (This was before MJ died…

My dog posed for a sketch.  I placed him on interview.  He is a French serial killer.  French is the…

Merry Christmas to all from your friends at EMToast.

I overheard some hipsters talking at the flea market. The one hipster says to the other hipster , “One thing…

Our turkey who art in heaven, hollow be thy breast. Thy stuffing come Thy meats be done on plates as…

Instead of saying sweet dreams, I say "Good night. I hope you don't have too many nightmares." Instead of saying…

Back then you could buy a tankful of feeder guppies for just a few cents.  You could pick up an…

Klaus described in great detail how he was going to engineer a car that ran solely on blood, human blood. …